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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

想了许多事情。 有许多事，都不能理解。有很多，都还未有答案。。每当跟朋友说到他们的感情事都会让我想很多。像一些他们所说的，他们所作的。很难理解，很难明白。

“恋爱与依赖，到底有何分别？”

“爱一个人可以是个理由，也可以是个借口？”

“不是不再爱他了，只是觉得爱他的理由不再坚固了。”

“要是爱一个人不需要理由，那么大家所说的第一印象,外表，与性格都不是让一个人陷下恋爱中 的理由吗？”

“既然双方都不快乐，又何必在强求呢？”

“离开他之后，我是否有更自由？”

我只能理解这一点。

-〉我可以很爱你，但我也可以选择离开你。

想了好久，才终于理解这是怎么回事。。

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

*FLUSTERED*

EXAMS!! haha! but i'm seriously lovin' it!! haha! time passes faster. i study more. at the same time. i think i slack more too. because i sleep a lot! damn!

haha! to subjects are over. ENG4U, is bad. really bad. i'm upgrading my course. haha! and Math3U.. i dunno how will i do. but i hope i wont fail. because i tried again and again. but there's jus some that i really dunno how to do!! =( sigh.

oh! tmr's gonna be Family Studies. and Friday will be Business Leadership. i hope everything will go jus fine. i'm so worried. =( I wanna get good grades for my pop, my mom! and everyone who supported my idea of coming here!! also, my aunt!!! miss her so much, still keeping to my promise =) and most importantly, myself. because i really wanna get into University of Toronto, Saint George's Campus!!

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

ONCE AGAIN!!!

me MUM is read ME blog!!! wahaha!

she even asked why i was so depressed!! haha! love her so much!

haha! she's mad lar! she jus came online and stuff. and she's like asking qite a bit of stuff. bt cute! she dont really know how to use the internet and stuff. bt she's willing to learn! haha!

MUMMY!! i love you!!!

and ya! my Pop's Birthday was on the 13th December!! so...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDYKINS!!!! LOVE YA!!!

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Friday, December 08, 2006

"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT YOU ANYMORE!! BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS SERIOUS AND SAD NOW!"

it's enough to prove how a pessimist i am now. she's unhappy with me, i understand. but this change wasnt wat i wan. i jus wanna be happy. and be carefree. sigh. everything's jus going haywire. people ask me wat's wrong? im like, "nah, nothing! you think too much.", "dun worry, i'm fine, jus some transition crisis.", "it's ok. i'm alrit. im jus tired." these are wat most would hear from me. however, i dunno wat's right now.

Ingrid gave me a hug. felt like i was gonna break down. but i didnt. because i jus couldnt. sigh..

later in the night, uncle eric and junhao came to look for me in Hamilton. haha! amazing how they found their way to my residence. judging from them being a visitor of Hamilton for the first time. Thanks to Tom Tom. haha! anyways, i brought them to DaeBak to have Korean food. im glad they liked it! and i enjoyed my KIMCHI SOUP!! my FAVOURITE!! haha! then, we went to Wal-Mart, and uncle Eric insisted on buying chocolate for me. and jus Food and more Food! i was like, it's ok. it's enough. and he jus put it in. and he paid for everything. i was so ashamed. after that, we wanted to go look at the ice skating rink, however we ended up in this indoor soccer ground. and we saw girls training. nice~~ and finally, we went to Niagara Falls. and because it's 9pm aredi. i didnt reall care much, since it's the end of the semester, they cant do anything to me. so, i decided to jus go back later. dmb, i know. but they dun come all the time. and they took the trouble to come down to Hamilton jus to meet up with me. in addition, i havent seen them in a long long time. so, yea. mum called and i told her. and she was like ok.. jus take care. and i was like yea! i will!! =) jus hung around at Niagara for a while? less than an hour i think. and we came back. was pretty nice to see them. because i finally saw people im totally comfortable with. we have been friends for more that 10 years. and uncle eric have seen me grown from a kid to a girl now. so, yea. was jus relieved. was in shit for the past week. so, im jus glad they came. it's amazing how friends can click, even when they dun communicate with each other for a long long time.

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

i hate the way everything is now.

i hate the way i am now. screwed up and everything. however, i really dunn wat to do. and everything seem jus so messed up. i wanna do everything right, but everything jus seem so wrong. wanna deny that everything is not totally me, but, i guess it is.

my peers here, are becoming strangers to me. i jus wanna go back to singapore and start everything all over again. but i'm still determined to stay here, because i jus wan my parents to be happy. i like the way they smile and everything.

cried myself to sleep last night, because i jus feel so bad about everything. everything is wrong. everything is jus going haywire. i thought i had friends here. but obviously, that's not the case. character and mindset are my downfall i guess. Lydea says that our personality are almost the same, for us, our character is more like a guy i guess, and we're much more open minded. but the way i am is not accepted here. i'm so tired of always explaining myself. i thought i'd be able to be the way i am after mixing with another group. but no.. that's jus not the case. i've changed for the worse i guess. mayb not the same as before, which is why they cannot accept me.

Jordan, Michelle and Ben once told me, "if you think wat you're doing is right, then jus go ahead with it, dun care about wat others say." i wan to do jus that. but it's easier said than done. throughout my entire semester here in Columbia International College, i've been doing essays and essays about marginalization, and jus as i least expect it, i'm marginalized. By the people i deem closer to.

just dumb enough to be stupid.

和从前不一样了。。。

试着改变，但越改越糟。

我越来越讨厌上学。

最近感觉上越来越没去上课。

我最近真的不知道该怎么样才好，该怎么样才对。

只盼望有一天，

我周围的人能够完全接受我的愚蠢，我的无理头。

最近也想到了一件事，

可能是在这边发生了很多事，

也看了很多事， 让我想到这个问题。。

有没有人能告诉我，

依靠与恋爱，到底有何不同？

因为，依靠与恋爱很容易搞乱。

所以花了我两夜的时间，还未找到正确的答案。

baby, 我只想抱在你怀里哭。。

带我回到从前那骄傲，自信，又开朗的自己。

我已厌倦自己现在的生活模式。

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

it was SNOWING yesterday!!!

SNOWING LIKE CRAZZZYY!!! hahaha!!! first interection with snow was.... haha. not too bad i guess. it it's cold, that's for sure!! but nice!! and the thing is, i was jumping around like some 3 year old kid saying, "WOW!! it's SNOOOOOWW~~~" haha! but come on, in singapore, you dun see snow for nuts.

played snow fight with my dumb bare hands!!! haha! that it turned purple.. haha! gonna go look for boots and gloves today!! hehe. and YUMI.. dumb dumb YUMI!! haha!! she's so funny! she's jus like a little kid. and because i was wearing glasses, the snow that she threw was jus stuck on my glasses. ahha! and she "FED" me snow!! wahaha. dumb dumb ass.

and i nearly slipped and fell quite a few times. heh. was pretty funny. i took few pictures. gonna upload it!! haha.

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Friday, December 01, 2006

sigh. havent been in a very very good mood recently.

it's always mood swings and mood swings. guess i still havent got outta my own shit yet. my depressive shit. it comes and goes. and i really do hate it. events that took place in my life sure made it even more difficult to get back to how i was. and it's giving me hell loads of troubles.

pardon me, i jus feel like typing in mandarin for a moment.
好累哦！！面对生活上所发生的一切一切。有时好像自己静一静。。。

sigh. anyways, gonna go for class. im lazy to type a lot nowadays!!! sick and tired of essays!!! grrr!!!

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