Sim Kuan Li Jenevieve
25 Oct 89
Psychologist Aspiring Student
Life to me is a process of living with obstacles to learn and overcome, and climax to enjoy.
Appreciation & Humbleness, are values I'm still learning.
Keep in mind: The sea may be calm, but chaos runs within.
Through transitions, I've became what I am today.
some friends are just worth appreciating and cherishing.
even when they're not there with you, you know they havent forgot about you. but some are jus not exactly in the same league.
whereas some others may jus there with you all the time, but they may not remember you when you're away.
sad truth eh? but true.
may be moving to some other blog. one that allows me to keep certain posts away from people whom i deem unworthy of reading it. crude, but true. it's simply because there's some people you trust with certain issues, while some others jus doesnt give you that right vibe towards certain things.
you know how sometimes you click onto a blog expecting to see one's blog, but as you read on, you realise the style of writing is like someone else's........ and then you scroll up jus to confirm you clicked onto the right blog, and there it is in your face, you've clicked onto the right blog.
sometimes i really do wonder, people have their own ideals and everything, and sometimes when they see someone writing/saying/acting in a way that seems to gain her popularity and attention, they tend to write/say/act the same way..
where's individuality? where's uniqueness? like plastic surgery...... you're jus a copy of someone else. dun you think?
sometimes i do wonder why am i so affected by my surroundings.
be it the people, the environment, or just the emotions filled within someone..
maybe i think too much into things. maybe i see too much happening. maybe i should just stand by my past indifference. ignorance sure is bliss, it has been until my recent sensitivity started acting up.
able to sense wat's coming for me. able to expect the next gesture someone might make. even able to tell just wat my boss was going to have for dinner, even though there's so much variety down at the hawker center and he usually stick to the same food all the time. it's scary.
the fight-or-flight defence mechanism is just so overwhelming these days, i jus scream and shout at the slightest confrontation/provokation.
i cant say i'm depressed. nor can i can i'm not also. paranoia? maybe. just maybe.
attention seeking? probably. but dont bet on it.
i'm supposed to be working hardfor my studies, but why does all these have to happen all the time before any major exams comes along?
maybe i just need a break. gooshh. it's of no good. i cant sleep. wat am i to do?
it's like the want to type until i can sleep. but oh no.... it's not working.
every want in life is jus an illusion. material wants. sexual wants. emotional wants.
random. jus very random. geez. i sound like i'm in depression. LOL. no, i'm not laughing. damn. this is stupid.
the quietness of the night. the night view of the city from my room window. the nightview of the sea from the view of my living room. the songs playing from the jukebox of my playlist. the thought whirling in my realm of thoughts.
random. jus randomness. i dunno wat am i saying now. i feel stupid. i feel awake. i feel lonely. loneliness...... maybe that's wat keeping me awake. i'm walking around this little room of mine like time will pass faster, but no, only minutes have passed. when will daylight come? i'm waiting for the sun rise. yet it's not coming jus yet. i wanna get outta this house. but no, it's a dangerous world out there. i'm typing... and i keep typing... and still typing.... how long will this post appear on my webpage?
my room looks like a dumpster. LOL. this is funny. and i have no urge to clean it up. damn, i'm a lazy piece of shit. HA HA! i guess i'm ill.
shit. i've been typing for an hour. let's talk about my aspirations....
- psychologist. before i can psycho someone, i'll most likely turn into a psycho.
- a career woman out in the business world. before i can make it out as a career woman, i'll most likely stress out and start crying that i cant hold out no more.
- a marketing personnel. before the end of any glamourous event, i'll most likely get drunk even before the event begins.
- a model. before i even think about being one, i shall go for a height increase. yea... keep dreaming...
- a clown. i'll kill myself for being one literally. i'm a clown outta myself now. and damn, i hate CLOWNS to the core.
- a door bitch at any clubs. probably start bitching and refuse entry to any girls who have the i'm-a-bitch look on them.
- an actress. i'm one in life already. a relatively excellent one. hell, i'm good.
- a man. haha. i'll make sure i charm all the beautiful girls and get them working. OMG this is funny and damn, i'm such a perv.
enough of it already...... i'm tired. psychologicall. help me figure out wat am i trying to do.
get attention. yea, most of you will say so. especially those psychotic shit asses out there.get the shit fuck outta my face. stupid uncles. dun think i cannot see that kinda shit ass thoughts you have when dealing with me. dun even think i'll give in to you when i''m dealing business with you. give me shit and i'll fuck you up when i have the chance to. you wont like it when i do. you take advantage of me being nice. you underestimate my capabilities. you belittle my presence by thinking i'm a typical bimbo. keep thinking that way yea. indulge in those thoughts. and a big HA HA will be right in your face soon enough, just you wait.
few days ago, someone told me "you're not bothered about work. you're bothered about your love life. go figure."
dun tell me wat you THINK. wat time do i have? wat more resource is left of me to find that kinda energy to? you go figure.
no, no. i'm not drunk. maybe yes, i am. drunk with my own thoughts of nothingness. drunk in my own rants, wanting to rant even more randomess. LOL.
fuck off you bastards. men... they just cant be trusted.
fuck off you bitches. women... they are just unbelievable.
i'm still awake after all these rants. HA HA HA! i'm mad. i must be. TOTALLY.
she's hinting that she's capable of doing the job. she's hinting that i'm not needed.she's hinting that my face is my only capability in life. she's hinting that i'm redundant. she's hinting that i should watch my back. she's hinting that she's rich. she's hinting that i'm a mistress. she's hinting sooo many things.
women... jealousy. insecurity. posessivity. superiority. materialistic. wat's the point of hinting all these to me if you're jealous and insecure with my existence? laughable. totally. you watch your back. you watch your mouth. you watch your husband. you watch your words. cause you're going down bitches.
if i want to be a mistress to your husband, i'll do it in a snap. if i want to be rich, i'll be waayy richer than you'll ever will in your life. if i watch my back, i'll make sure you'll be the first i'll wipe from the face of the Earth. if i want to talk about you the way you do about me, i'll make sure your reputation stinks to the extent of no return.
keep your hands off my boundaries, you dont know shit about me.