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Tuesday, October 10, 2006 am i mature?no. i'm not mature. i'm more of childish. am i mature? no, i screw up my own maturity with my childishness. am i mature? no. i'm still living in denial of me being childish. am i mature? eff it! i jolly well know i'm not. but why? because my action defines me. which is why i'm labelled immature. i speak like a 12. i look like a 14. but i'm a 16 half, going 17. wat's wrong with me? one of my friends tells me that i should think bout wat's maturity. i know i'm not mature. but this hit me really hard on my head. like hard as in really HARD. i was pissed when my friend said that. i was really pissed. but why should i be pissed? because he's insulting me? no. it's because he gave me a true verdict. one which i cant deny. one which i have no grounds of defence. no grounds of explanation. i was screaming. i was shouting like crazy. but i broke into laughter. Incontrollable laughter. 2nd time i'm doing this. but why? because i'm laughing at myself. my own stupidity. my own childishness. it seem impossible of me to stop laughing at myself. I cant stop laughing because while thinking i'm mature, i'm actually being childish by screaming and shouting. i cant stop laughing because while living in denial, im actually defeated to the fact that it's time i accept that it's time i really grow up. I cant stop laughing because.......... i dunno. so many reasons to my laughter. but i cant say it. my room mate thinks i've got a weird way of showing my anger. she was freaked out by my sudden outbreak. wat the hell.. |
