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Friday, April 08, 2005 i'm worried..totally worried.. fear's rising in mi.. dad's keeping things to himself.. many things to himself.. health.. financial.. problems.. worries.. i really dunno wat to do.. i'd rather be the one who's not alright, than to see my dad like that.. i'm really upset.. wondering, why doesnt dad say anything about his troubles to us.. why doesnt he share things with us.. we're a family arent we? he shares the joy with us.. but wat bout his sorrows, troubles? i need daddy to tell mi things.. i dun wan to hear him say he's alright when he's not.. i dun wanna hear him saying that it doesnt hurt, when it hurts so much.. too much for him to bear, tht he have to hide in the toilet, alone.. to hide his pain from us.. jus to let us think he's alright.. accidents do have a long term effect.. did the doctors not check on him properly? or is it work that dad's conditions became worst? i dunno.. mum asked if he wants to see a doc.. he says, "No.." why? because he doesnt wanna waste money.. reason being, he wants to save the money for all 4 of us to further our studies.. i dun wanna see him hiding his pain.. i wan him to share with us.. dad..have i ever told you how much i love you? how much i care for you? how much i yearn to see you happy.. how much i yearn to do you proud.. dad.. i really love you.. i wanna let you know.. i wanna let the whole world know about it.. i wanna let you know tha ti care.. i know actions speak louder than words.. but i dunno how to really care.. i jus dunno how to put it..i care for you.. right in my heart.. i wan you to be blessed.. i wan you to be a fit as a fiddle.. sighs~ i'm lost.. i dunno wat to do.. i always complain that he's not giving mi enough freedom and stuff.. but, he is.. he's jus protecting mi.. that's all.. but, one thing for sure.. i think, when he really starts to let go, he'll not see mi at home.. cause, i'll wanna enjoy that kinda freedom i have.. i wanna have a heart to heart talk with my dad.. i wanna tell him how i feel in this family.. about everything.. but he's unwell.. i dun wan a blow for him.. i dun wan him to be vexed.. his getting on ages.. i dun wan him to worry and think so much.. Sighs~ |
