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Tuesday, March 08, 2005 She said she needed more time... said she needed time to think and reflect on herself and our thing.... cried till i cant feel any tears rolling out jus now... numb... sigh...... didnt tell her wat happened during physio that time... lied and hid about it... touched something which i shouldnt touch at all..broke something which i should never have broke.. regretted... but it's all too late.. she said, for mi changing to her ideal partner was impossible... said that i'm still the way i am, jus like a year plus ago.. jus another 1 more day... it'll be 9th march... 9th! wonderful number aint it? but, everything's going wrong.. all because of mi.. this 9th march, wont be a happy one. with no one to spend talking to mi on the phone for a whole day.. nobody going out with mi... and definitely, no one to spoil mi like how she does usually.. why am i one of those who has to lose something, before they know how to cherish another thing... why? i've hurt her alot.. again and again... over and over again... was desperately trying to think of something to say, that will change her mind... but, the thought of her leaving mi jus leaves mi feeling empty, and my mind went blank... i wanna say loads of things to her... but i dunno if she'll hear mi out.. or even reply mi.... will she? if she doesnt, i'm gonna say it all here.... baby girl, i miss you alot... i know i shouldnt have hid that from you, as i promised to... but please dun give up on mi... i need you.. love you.. and want you.. cant imagine another day without hearing and knowing that you're there to hear mi speak, complain and scream... no one does let mi do that... i might've took you for granted... but that will never happen again... i can be your ideal girlfriend... i will not lie or hide anything from you.. will not even forget wat happened tonight and take you for granted weeks after... everything will be going fine even after the time you think i'm going to be like who i am again now... the trust is broken... i'm sorry for disappointing you once again... i'm doing wat you asked mi to do.. wat you said jus now hurt mi alot.. but i know it cant be compared to how cheated you felt after knowing the truth... but i hid it from you, so as not to let you be worried bout mi... buti was really wrong.. truly realise wat grave mistake i've made... will you please forgive mi? i know it's almost impossible... you must be thinking, how think-skinned i am... but i guess i should give it a try... my world crumbled almost instantly, when you told mi you needed time.... my fear arose again... why cant we turn back time? or undo everything like the microsoft windows' programs? so i can know wat i shouldnt be doing and make amendments.. sigh... baby girl, if you ever read this.. please consider forgiving mi... i wouldnt dare ask for another chance... i'll be going too far... to end this, i'm jus gonna say that, i love you!! i'm here, waiting for your forgiveness
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