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Thursday, January 27, 2005 I Hate You Mum!! I Really Do! Why Do You Always Have To Give My Some Sickening Face And Stare At Mi, Whenever I Disagree With You On Something, Or Dun Wanna Help You With Something? I Did No Wrong! Read My Lips! If You Ever Get To Read This, Read All you Wan, i Dun Bloody Care!! MuthaFarkin ArseHole! You're Sucha Pain In the Neck!! Why Do You AHve To Interfere n Watever I Do.. And Nag So Much At mi.. Why Cant You Jus Leave Mi Alone When You're Supposed To And Jus Shutup?I've O Levels This Year, And I'm Struggling With My Personal Problems, And At The Same Time, The Problem Between Mi And You! I Was Jus Telling You To Not Give Mi Any Facial Expressions That Will Make Mi Go MAd About It, But Guess Wat?! You Bloody Screamed Your MuthaFuckin Ass At Mi And Deny About It. You Still Dare To Say Mi?! You Wan Mi To Be A Disciplined, Obedient, Independent And Non-Complaining Girl.. And Know Wat?! I'm Independent! And Always Trying To Not Complain Until I Cant Take It.. And I'm Trying To Be Obedient To You, Though I Didnt Really AGree With Your Doings And Sayings At Times. I Bear With It.. As For Discipline, You need Not Worry. Cause Although You're My Mum, you've Got No Rights To! I'm Telling You, No Rights To! You May Say That You're This Obedient And That Obedient When You Were My Age, But Do You Think I Care? Have You Ever Spare A Thought For How I Feel? Have You Ever Put Yourself Into My Shoes To Certain Things? Have You Ever Cared For Mi Like How You Cared For Didi? Have You Ever Wondered, Why I Always wan To Stay Away From Home? You Said You Understand Mi.. But How Much, Exactly DO You Understand Mi? Do You Even Try Looking 'Beneath' mi? Try To Initiate A Mind To Mind Talk With Mi? Or Wondered Why I Always lock And IsoLate Myself In My Room, From Everybody In the Family? And Talk On The Phone Or Use The Computer, Or Mayb Lying In Bed Gazing At Nothing But Air? You HAte mi Locking My Room, But Why? Cause It's More Convenient For you To Open The Door, Get And Put Stuff In.. Mum, Sometimes I Jus feel Like Breaking Down And Cry, Telling How I Feel to You.. And Telling You wat Problems I'm Facing And Telling You About My Personal Stuff.. Also, Treating You like A Best Fren And A Mother.. You Said That I Could Look For You When I'm Down WatsoEver, But Can I Really Do That? No..... You Said I've Grown From Bad to Worse, but Do You remember The Time When I Started To Cut Myself And Self Abuse Myself.. How Did You React.. It Was About 2 Weeks LAter That You Got To Know About It.. And Who Was the One who Told You? WHo Was The One Who At least Made Mi Feel Better By Talking To Mi And Counselling Mi? It Wasnt You Who Found Out About My Wrist, It Wasnt You Who Talked And Couselled Mi.. I Was So Disappointed.. I Thought You'd Notice It.. Notice That I Bandaged My Wrist.. But You never did.... And How Did You React When You Got To Know About It? You Screamed At mi, With No Words Of Concern.. Nothing Like, " Are You ok? Let mi See Your hand.. Why Did You Do This?" I Didnt Cry That Time Because You Screamed At Mi, Because I was SOrry For Wat I Did To Myself.. I Cried, Because I Feel NO Love From You! And Remember The Time When you Slapped Mi Repeatedly Or Even Whacked Mi With The LEather Belt? For My Room Is Messy? Without Even Knowing That I'm Hurt.. WithOut Even Feeling That My HEart's Bleeding With Every Word You Said To Mi.. I Shouted At You, You Said I'm Being DeFiant.. But I shouted For A Reason, It's To Hope That You'll Stop Slapping And Whacking Mi.. Shouting And Screaming At Mi, And Jus Explain Wat Have I Done Wrong.. Then, I Cried Again, For The Same Reason.. i Feel NO Love.... Everytime On The Streets, I See Mums Sending Their Daughters To Primary School Lovingly Hug Them And Kiss them, To Say Goodbye And Take Care.. But, Did I Get These? Who Was the One Who Makes The Effort To Send mi to School Or Hug Mi Before I Board the School Bus, And Smiling When Saying Goodbye To Mi? Mum, It Wasnt You Again.. You See It As I'm Still Young And It's A Chore To Do It.. But It's Ok.. I Dun Mind.. I Said You Dote On KuanJie More Than Mi.. Why? Cause It's So Obviously Done.. I Dun Say It Jus With One Incident.. It's Through My Whole Life.. I've Seen It And Voiced It.. But Wat Did You Say? No, I Dote On you both Equally.. Or Sometimes yOu'd Jus Shut Mi Up By Saying That, He's Youngest In The Family.. And Now, I'm Voising It Again, Wat Did You Say? You Said That, He Can Go Out Late Because He's A Guy and I'm A Girl.. Yes, It's True.. And i Know You People Care For mi.. But, Wat About Going Out? Since You Like His Company, Why Do You Not Ask Him To Cancel his Appointment With His Frenz And Go With You? Instead, you Ask Mi To Cancel My Appointment With My Frenz, Jus To Go out And Accompany You.. Jus On The Same Day.. It HAppens All the Time.. I'm Saddened by The Fact That it's So Unequal Between mi And Him... Saddened By the Fact That, Whenever I Change For You, And Make An Effort To Do Wat You Wan Mi To Do And Reflect On Myself.. But Wat Happens Next? I Get Taken Advantage Of.. By You! I Feel So Used.. And Unappreciated.. It's Like Every Single Thing i Do, Wont Satisfy You.. I Cant Recall AnyThing where You Did That Made Mi Feel So Happy.. Do You remember Any? You May Satisfy Mi By Buying The Clothes that I Wan Whenever I Cancel My Appointment And Go Out With You, You see Mi Smile, But Am i really Happy? I Hope You'll Read this Soon.. I Dunno If You'll Feel Guilty Or Hurt By Wat I Said Or Not.. But Let mi tell You, You Dun Have To.. Although I Say How Much I Hated You And Stuff.. But I Still Treat You As My Mum.. The One Who Brought Mi Up And The One Who Bore Mi.. I shall Not Say Anymore.. I Dunno Why I'm Crying Now.. But NeverMInd About Mi.. Jus Let Mi Be.. |
